SIM Nigeria

“We Do Not Grieve Like The Rest of Men”

Introduction

Justin Kenneth Ward came into this world on November 13, 2001 in Jos, Plateau State, Nigeria. Since that time, he has provided a great amount of joy and blessing to his family, friends and neighbors. Dr. Danfulane Kore told me on Sunday that Justin was a regular visitor at his house and was a person you just could not ignore. He even played basketball with him. Although Justin was small, he has made a big impact upon all those who knew him. Unfortunately, Justin departed this world last Saturday in a very unexpected way. Click below for more

Whenever someone is taken away from us so suddenly, our minds ask all kinds of questions, many of which have the word ‘why’ in them.

•    Why was he taken from us?
•    Why did have to depart so young?
•    Why couldn’t God have allowed him to stay with us a little longer?
•    Was there a reason he was taken from us? Have I done something wrong? Is this event a punishment upon me or my family because of something I did or failed to do?

Parents also tend to ask many questions about themselves when such accidents occur.

•    Why didn’t I know that there was something dangerous in my compound?
•    Why didn’t I check on him earlier?
•    Why couldn’t I have died in his place and allow him to live?

I can assure you that the wisest and most experienced pastor or theologian could not stand in this pulpit this morning and answer all of those questions to your satisfaction. The truth is we live our lives with unanswered questions. And many of the questions related to why Justin was taken away from us at this young age will probably never be satisfactorily answered.

However, there is a scripture that helps to give us some answers and some comfort in a time of tragedy like this. It is 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18:

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

To understand these verses, we need to understand something of the background to this epistle. During his second missionary journey, Paul spent only three weeks in Thessalonica. Although he had been very successful in evangelism, he had not had time to disciple the Thessalonians properly. Paul had taught a bit about the second coming of Jesus. Unfortunately, after Paul left, one or more of the new Christian believers had died. The Thessalonians were anticipating being alive when Jesus returned to the earth. Therefore, they became concerned about their brother who had died. They apparently sent a question to Paul, asking him what the condition was of one who died in the faith.

Paul responds to this question with an interesting statement. He says, “we do not want you to . . . grieve.” Is that really what Paul says? No, I stopped the sentence before it was completed. Paul actually says, “we do not want you to . . . grieve like the rest of men.” Paul concedes that we who are Christians will indeed grieve. God has not promised to exempt us from the problems the rest of the world experiences. However, Paul says that though we grieve, our grief is not like the grief that other men experience.

What is the difference between the grief of the believer and the unbeliever? Does this mean that we do not have as many tears? Is Paul suggesting that the emotional pain is less for the believer? Is he implying that Christians are more stoical than others? Let me complete the statement. Paul says, “we do not want you to . . . grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.” The reason we grieve differently from others is that they grieve without hope.

•    The atheist believes this life is all that there is; when someone dies, that is the end.
•    Some Eastern religions believe that when you die, you will eventually be reincarnated as a higher or lower being. Would you like to be reincarnated as a cow or a cat or a cricket? There is little hope in that belief.
•    The pagan religions of Thessalonica believed that life would continue after death but it would be subject to the same kinds of jealousies, intrigues, disappointments and manipulations as life on earth. Is there any hope in that?

The point Paul is making is when the unbeliever looses a loved one, there is no hope. Death is a time of hopeless despair and meaningless tragedy. However, what Paul suggests in this paragraph is that when the believer dies, there is hope. Death is not the end. Death is the last enemy but it is an enemy that has been conquered by the resurrected Christ.

In the remainder of this meditation, I want to share with you three reasons why we as Christian believers have hope—why we do not grieve like others. These three reasons are either clearly taught or hinted at in the Thessalonian passage.

I. We Have Hope That There Is life After Death.

Exposition

Paul says, “We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” Note the phrase “God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.”

If you hear me say that I am going to Abuja and will be bringing with me Dr. Toler to Jos, that means that Dr. Toler will be with me in Abuja. So this verse suggests what other verses in the New Testament teach clearly—when we depart from this world, we go to be with the Lord. Paul said in Philippians 1:23: “I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.” Paul also write in 2 Corinthians 5:6: “Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.”

Application

Ken and Linda, we have hope today because, little Justin is not dead. He is just absent from us. And when he is absent from us, that means he is present with the Lord. Actually Justin is more alive than he has ever been in his life. In these two and a half days, he has already experienced the beauties and joys and colors and emotions and personalities of God’s eternal home. He has already gained greater understanding of spiritual reality than he would have gained if he had lived to be one hundred years in this world. Oh yes, he has been taken from us. We are left with only his body, which is a reminder to us of him, but Justin is not in that box. He has gone to a better world.

We are grieving today because Justin has left us but we are not grieving as those who have no hope. We have hope and we rejoice today that Justin has fought a good fight and finished his course and is now safely with the Lord.

Travel is difficult in this country. We tend to worry about our loved ones when they are traveling. If some of my children are coming from the US to visit us and start their return trip, I am aware of their travel from the time they leave my house until they reach their homes in the US. As a good parent, I am concerned about their safety. When the phone rings and they tell me they are safely home, a big relief comes over me. Why? Because my children have completed their journey. They have made it home. Their trip has been completed. It has been successful and now I can relax. Nothing bad has happened to them on the way.

You may not have quite those same kinds of emotions with the permanent departure of your son but one thing should be a comfort to you. Justin has made it home. As a parent you can be comforted in knowing that he will never be sick again. No more malaria; no more upset stomachs; and no more fever; no more crying. There will be no more accidents and injuries and pain where he now lives. There will be no one who will abuse him or mistreat him or do anything that will cause him or you discomfort. He has made it to the eternal home. We grieve not like the rest of men today, because we know that Justin is home with the Lord.

II. We Have Hope That We Will Be Reunited With Our Loved Ones.

Exposition

There is a second key phrase in the passage. It is the verse that says, “After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air.” The key phrase in this verse is “together with them.” Paul promises that those who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them—with those who have gone on before them. We have hope today because last Saturday was not the last time you will see Justin Kenneth Ward. Sometime in the future we will be reunited “together with them.” People who have no Christian faith really are very sad whenever they stand beside the graveside because they have no hope of ever seeing their loved one again. We thank God today that we do not grieve like they do because we do have hope.

Application

I will not take time to give a theological lecture on the topic of eternal relationships with current loved ones. I am not sure that I understand a whole lot about this particular subject. It is likely that relationships will be different in the spiritual world than they have been in this world. However, Jesus said to the thief on the cross, “today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43). The implication is that they would know each other.

It is comforting to me to know that when one of my loved ones dies in the faith, we will be “together with them” again in the eternal world. And when we are reunited, there will be no more painful departures at that time. There will be no more separations and no more goodbyes because in that world there is no more death and there is no more separation. We will forever be with the Lord and with those who are “with the Lord.”

Ken and Linda, take hope this morning. Your goodbyes to Justin today are only temporary. There is a wonderful reunion coming some day in the future.

III. We Have Hope That There Will Be Meaning In The Death Of Our Loved Ones.

Exposition

The third reason for hope is not as clearly stated in this context as the other two but there is at least one word that suggests something that is expanded in the rest of the Bible. The last verse of our scripture says, “Therefore encourage each other with these words” (4:18). The key phrase here is “encourage each other.” (The KJV translates this, “comfort one another.”) Paul is writing this letter after some of their loved ones had died. He is saying that based upon the Christian faith, death should be a time to encourage one another.

Why should we encourage one another? Certainly, we should encourage one another because our loved ones are with the Lord. We should also encourage one another because we will be reunited with them. However, there is something else I would like to stress. We should encourage one another because to the Christian, death is not without meaning. For the atheist or the unbeliever or the adherent of many other religions, death is truly a tragedy because to them, it is random and meaningless. However, we Christians live with the truth of Paul’s words, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). God has a way of taking tragedies, even tragedies that are caused by us, and turning them around and using them for our good and His glory. Though it is difficult to see it right now, this verse teaches that the death of Justin will ultimately result in good.

It is beyond the scope of this simple meditation to try to address the issue of whether God causes things to happen or merely allows them. I will simply say this: I do not personally believe that it is accurate to say that God “causes” all things. There are too many tragedies in this world that go beyond the ability of a kind and good and loving heavenly Father to cause. However, God does have the ability to take those things that we humans cause due to our limitations and weaknesses—those things we view as tragedies and bring good out of them.

Application

In light of that truth, let us ask ourselves, what are some of the possible good things that can come out of such a tragedy? Let me begin by pointing out some of the obvious.

•    Your tragedy will make all of us more safety conscience in the future.
•    Your tragedy will cause all of us to love a bit more—to hug our children a bit tighter and say those things to our family members that we have neglected saying to them.
•    Your tragedy has demonstrated to us the love, support and understanding there is in the missionary community. It is showing to us that denomination does not matter; profession does not matter; age does not matter. What is important is life and love.

However, although it is not a popular message in some parts of our modern Christianity, there are some other benefits that may come with suffering. In fact, I teach a course in counseling to teachers of Christian Religious Knowledge in public schools. In one of those lectures, I give 17 potential benefits that we may receive from sufferings—things God may be teaching us whenever we pass through some kind of suffering and tragedy. Obviously this is no the time for that that long lecture. However, let me just point out two of those benefits. Why does God allow specific tragedies into our lives?

God may be preparing you to minister to others.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).

Here are the logical implications of this passage:

•    There world is filled with hurting people.
•    God expects us to help hurting people.
•    Whenever God gives us a job, He always prepares us for it.
•    God prepares us to comfort other people by comforting us.
•    We do not need be comforted until we suffer.
•    Unfortunately, God allows us to suffer so He can comfort us and we, in turn, can comfort other people.

Can you teach a person how to play the piano if you  do not know how to play the piano? Neither can we comfort people very effectively if we have not been comforted and we cannot be comforted if we have not hurt. Therefore, God, in His infinite wisdom, allows us to hurt and suffer so we that can be comforted so we, in turn, can offer comfort to others who hurt.

Although you did not apply for the position, God has enrolled you into a very exclusive club—the club of missionaries who have paid the extreme price to serve God on the mission field. They have paid the price of loosing a loved one. I cannot think of a lot of benefits that go along with this position. However, there is one very serious responsibility. God is comforting you and will comfort you so that you learn what it means to be comforted. And some time in the future, you will use that comfort that you have received to comfort others who are experiencing the kind of grief you are experiencing today.

It is hard to see right now but the death of Justin is not a meaningless random tragedy. It is a tragedy that God is going to use in our lives. It is a very expensive and costly lesson but someday it will be very valuable to someone else who is suffering like you are today.

God may be using this tragedy to refine and improve your faith.

The psalmist declares, “For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver” (66:10). Isaiah used similar language: “See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction” (Isaiah 48:10). The illustration of refining, like metal being heated in a fire, is found 13 times in the Bible. This illustration is nearly always associated with suffering and suggests that God uses suffering and pain in our lives to make us better people. Suffering, regardless of the cause, has a way of purifying and improving us.

These verses and the experience that Ken and Linda and their family are going through right now have proven to be a powerful reminder of a similar experience that Mary and I went through some years ago, when our eldest son contracted spinal meningitis and suffered in a hospital for five days. During this difficult time, when we did not know whether our son would live or die, we left the hospital and went across the street to a church. The door was unlocked so we walked in, went to the front, knelt and prayed for a while. We then went back and sat in one of the pews and took out the hymnal. The hymnal fell open to the hymn entitled “How Firm a Foundation.” I will just read these verses and pray that they will speak to you as they spoke to us when we were in a similar place to what you are in now:

1. How Firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
2. Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
3. What more can He say that to you He hath said,
4. To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled.
5. Fear not; I am with thee. O be not dismayed.
6. For I am thy God, I will still give thee aid.
7. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
8. Upheld by My gracious omnipotent hand.
9. When thro’ the deep waters I call thee to go,
10. The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
11. For I will be with thee thy trials to bless,
12. And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
13. When thro’ fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
14. My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.
15. The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
16. Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
17. When Mary and I read that verse, we stopped and prayed this prayer to God. “Lord, we do not know what you are doing in our lives. However, if through this experience you can make us better people and you can improve our ministry, we submit to your will.” The rest of the hymn was very comforting.
18. E’en down to old age all My people shall prove
19. My sov’reign, eternal, unchangeable love;
20. And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
21. Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.
22. The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose
23. I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
24. That soul, tho’ all hell should endeavor to shake,
25. I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

Like your little Justine, our little Nathaniel also died. However, we have proven the words of that song. God was with us and God blessed us and God has used this painful experience in our lives. I know that you will someday give the same testimony.

Conclusion

If the verse that I read earlier had stopped at “we do not want you to . . . grieve” we would have to conclude that none of us here today are Christians because we are all grieving. However, the verse does not stop there. It says, “we do not grieve, as others who have not hope.” Ken and Linda, do not hesitate to grieve. After all, it was God who made our tears. Even Jesus wept when he met death. However, part of your comfort should be when you remember that we do not grieve, like those who have no hope. We do have hope. Our hope is that Justin is alive today. Our hope is that we will be united with him some day. And our hope is that God is some day going to bring meaning and blessing out of this tragedy.

May God grant that this hope be yours and all those who grieve today.

*****

1. Graveside Service

Justin Kenneth Ward has completed his task on this earth and is now gone from us. We may go to him but he will not come back to us. However, he has not left us empty-handed. He has left behind her mother and father, Ken and Linda Ward. He has also left behind his brother, Stephen and his sister, Alida. He has also left behind his grandparents and other relatives who are not able to be with us today but who will also miss him greatly. However, little Justin will continue to live in all of our hearts and in God’s eternal home. And hopefully, his life and death will be a life-long reminder to us that we do not grieve, like the rest of men, who have no hope.

Forasmuch as the spirit of Justin Kenneth Ward has returned to God who gave it, we therefore commit his body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. We look forward to the resurrection of the last day, and the life of the world to come, through our Lord Jesus Christ, at whose second coming in glorious majesty, the earth and the sea shall give up their dead. And the corruptible bodies of those who sleep in him shall be changed and made like unto his own glorious body.

“Then I heard a voice from heaven say, ‘Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.’ ‘Yes,’ says the Spirit, ‘they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them’” (Revelation 14:13)

Closing Prayer (Rev. Dr. Sid Garland)

Benediction: “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all” (2 Corinthians 13:14). Amen.

presented at the funeral service of Justin Kenneth Ward by Rev. Dr. Danny McCain
at Kirk Chapel, Miango, Nigeria on 3 January 2006